Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Tuesday, May 17th

OK a few things to talk about; first and foremost I have been eating extra food.  Mostly at lunch but a little more has been sneaking in here and there.  I am not suddenly extra hungry so I have to pay attention to what's going on with me when I am on the line for food.  
Second, we had our first wisdom keepers meeting.  It was a small group, six of us.  John leads the group, he is a very interesting guy; intelligent, funny, introspective and wise.  I see good things coming from the group.  I also noticed that when the person who I had set up as enemy was there I was both trying to make a connection and to show her up.  When she said something mildly challenging to John, I sort of disagreed with her (to stand up for John? to show her up? to show her whose boss?) #3 sounds like a winner.  I must watch out for my spiritual arrogance and jealousy. 
So one of the biggest challenges is that the skill set I developed  for interacting with people in the real world does not really seem appropriate. for use here.  I can make it work but again I get the "getting away with something" feeling that means I am short cutting and being inauthentic.  The whole reason I came here was to be more in touch with who and what I am.  I mean I consider myself a pragmatic buddhist first and foremost.  But is that really who I am?  I always feel like I need more alone time here.  It fulfills my need to proceed with caution.  A good place to leave off, need to make a phone call before work.



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