The sun is almost out in the Berkshires. Mornings are usually foggy here and I love the colors of the lake and the smell of the clean damp air. The fog shrouds the mountains (the perfect use for the word shroud) and it looks like a Japanese painting. Sometimes in the afternoon the sun succeeds in it's struggle to burn off the fog and I take a walk at lunch.
Last night was our dorm's house warming party, it was nice but I felt like the oldest person in the room (which I probably was) and I left after eating some brownie crumbs. The food here fresh and delicious but the deserts always seem to fall just a little bit short unless there is fresh fruit to liven them up.
I feel so content here, but (always a but) there is this person here who seems to want something from me, I'm not sure what. I tend to avoid her because her communication style is a bit stilted (she seems to want to forcibly convey compassion) and I sometime feel that she is studying me for a science project. Maybe she is lonely, we are close in age, and all she wants is friendship or companionship but the truth is during almost every conversation we've ever had she has (consciously or unconsciously) shit on something I've said. So as previously stated I just avoid her.
This is part of my usual pattern of not rejecting a relationship but not accepting it either. It's not a pattern I am looking to change while I'm in such a transitory place. She will probably be leaving soon or I will, nothing is permanent.
One last thought, another volunteer left yesterday, she was a sweet person but I guess she may have had expectations that this place could not deliver.
I think all I expected from living in community was three hots and a cot, some easy work and some time to work on my projects, both inner and outer. Then again look at my ex- I have very low (realistic) expectations in life.
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