Wednesday, July 6th

So yesterday I did a poetry slam with my fellow volunteers.  It was an intense experience, I am used to talking in front of a group of peers when I am “presenting” and I am comfortable working in a public arena when I am selling.  But when you have to get up in front of a room full of people and share something personal that you have written then it is a very, very different thing.  I wasn’t really nervous until ½ hour before the slam started but when I was up next the butterflies really hit.  Then when I got up to read I was shaking.  I got decent scores (another reason to be nervous) and was happy that my friend Ben (an outrageously good poet, writer, film maker, overall creative genius) won and my bffn (best friend for now) won a much deserved second place. 

So what came out of that in this morning’s meditation was that I am not, repeat not, pushing myself.  I am to a large degree playing it safe here in community.  So I have decided to ask for a new seva (job) for next term.  I can sit in the office and do a job that I have always done and be very comfortable (hey it is one of the only air conditioned spaces in the building) and very safe.  Or I can stretch myself and get out into the world a little more and STOP HIDING.  I mean I came here to be in community, to do things a different way but I feel like I just switched locations. 

And yes I know that it is me that has to change first but the first step is Stop Hiding.  That was what came up today in my a.m. meditation. 

Also I saw three wild turkeys on the way to the main building, at first I was anxious cause the turkeys at South Beach Psych can be very aggressive but when I shouted hey and clapped my hands they moved off the path and up the hill a ways (keeping an eye on me the whole time) then moved back down to the path after I passed.  So it was all good a little aggression on my part and no aggression on their part.  Next time we meet I will just say hello and see if that moves them off the path.  I don’t want to be aggressive with the birds, but I do not want to be pecked either, all three were over three feet tall and looked like they could do some major pecking with their beaks. 

So far my encounters with wild animals has been limited to birds and rodents.  Sometimes when I am meditating in the woods I hear distant noises that could be a tree branches falling or a large animal but so far no bear sightings.  Which I am fine with.  If I see a bear I will undoubtedly report it here.