Friday, July 15th

So things have settled down and the volunteer's dissent about a member being asked to leave against his will has all but died down.  Some volunteers vented about not feeling appreciated, which I can understand if you are in a face paced unappreciated job like dish crew or veggie prep.  I don't feel much appreciated at my job but that is not why I do it.  I get some satisfaction from a job well done, when I turn out work without any mistakes I feel good about my ability to stay focused.  I guess I just don't look to the external for recognition or appreciation.  It's enough that I know I have done a good job. 
I am feeling restless and I want to do something subversive but know that the feeling will pass and I don't have to act on it.  Or that I can commit small subversive acts that will not harm myself or others.  One thing I do is that people here in community pile rocks on top of other rocks in the gardens and other places on the grounds.  Why they do this I do not know.  I think in their minds they are making some type of offering or setting an intention.  I take the rocks and throw them back in the woods, cause I believe two things.  It is ridiculous to pile a rock on top of another rock unless you are making art and two that I am setting their intentions free.
To my credit I have (to date) followed the rules of this establishment with one exception and that was to help a friend who was in need. So I do not feel bad about it and it was a situation where breaking the rule harmed no one so I feel OK about what I did. 
I am taking an interesting course in the shairars, which are the energy bodies.  The presenter is a charming energetic 65 year old yogi with a twenty or thirty something pregnant wife.  So I guess he does alright. The best thing he said tonight while discussing the energy bodies was that he received a deluxe super soft body (he is slightly overweight).  I like the idea of referring to my body as the deluxe super soft model (still liking the phrase death fat though).  Did some energy work on a friend who said they felt good! exclamation point theirs not mine.  Will continue the work and see where it leads.