So yesterday I was told that I need to find a roommate for my next Seva or I may not be allowed to stay, as (to paraphrase the program manager) he does not want to match me with a room mate and have a repeat of what happened last time. Now to some extent I do take responsibility for what happened with the ex room mate. I could have been more aggressive in checking in with her to see why she was so unhappy, rather than just letting her have her own experience. I could also have talked to the program manager a little more directly about what I thought was depression. However, I am going to accept my program manager's challenge to try to find a room mate even though it means doing everything I hate (asking for help, being vulnerable), I am also going to present the manager with two other options and see what happens. If I feel like I am being painted into a corner (which is just my usual paranoia) then I am going to start planning a gracious exit.
Which is not what I want, I love it here, the work is good (not very meaningful but necessary), the people are great and the environment is great. Also I love swimming in the lake, it feels so restorative even with the microbe thing. Yesterday we had a sunny day after a week of rain and I ran (OK walked quickly) to the lake after work and swam out pretty close to the middle. For some reason I became anxious (being a mostly lap swimmer in a pool). I am sure that over time I will be able to swim without angst. I did manage to swim my first goal so that was good. Hopefully by August I should be able to swim across the lake.
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