Sunday, JUNE 26th

Last night we went to a local bar for a friend's birthday celebration and it was Karaoke night! My friend Sara has a very good voice and sang two songs.  I sang "Our House" and while my voice was not great I was happy that I got up and sang (there were only about 5 people in the bar).  Another person was supposed to sing but never did get up there.  A great time was had by all, it is a very neighborhoody type of bar and I hope I can take Susan there when she comes for a visit cause Wednesday night is Drag Queen Bingo!   and the rule is Don't Be a Drag, Be a Queen.I think she would get a kick out of it.

So the past few days I am feeling a little weird because I am in situation where I have to tell someone that I cannot give them something I promised to give them.  And I am avoiding, which is a favorite pastime for me when I do not want to face someone else’s disappointment, disapproval or judgment.  I promised someone two of my four guest days but then a friend (who I am really looking forward to seeing wanted to come up for five days instead of three and she will be using them.  Since I was only giving them to the person because I thought no-one wanted them I offered them without condition.  Now that I have to rescind the offer, I am feeling a little bad and trying to “make it alright” in my mind by noticing “things” about the person I offered the guest days to no longer joins me and my friend for meals.  My thinking is that this person heard me say once that no one wanted to come up here to visit me and started a subtle plan to be around when the discussion came up again.  Because the next time I mentioned no one wanting to use my guest days he jumped right in and stated he could use them.  Maybe he just took advantage of the situation, which is OK I am more or less (usually more) an opportunist as well.  But the fact that he faded into the background as soon as he got what he wanted makes me feel a little misused.  Of course that could just be my way of deflecting guilt, which is a normal reaction. 

Still feeling very excited about the “Be Your Own Shaman” course and my friend Susan coming up for a visit. The weather has been so changeable lately, sunny and warm then cloudy and cold in the course of an hour.  Yesterday the weather at the lake reminded me of how quickly my mood can shift.  Sunny and Bright then Cloudy and Cold then Stormy and Dark then the next day it starts all over again.  I am hoping for a little Sunny and Bright today so I can swim in the lake.

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