So I have been thinking lately about endings and beginnings. For me, (thank you for teaching me that phrase John M.) sometimes when relationships end it is to make room for something new, not necessarily better, but new. But what I have noticed lately is that I still sometimes carry expectations from old relationships into new. What a burden to place on another person! I need to be mindful of that going forward. I dislike having to constantly self-analyze because in truth I am lazy. I was going to write here about how it can stifle my spontaneity and authenticity but lazy is probably (definitely) much closer to the truth.
So here in community we are getting ready for old volunteers to leave and new volunteers to come in. This will happen next week. It’s going to be hard saying goodbye to the volunteers who are leaving especially the ones who I have become close to, but I like the idea of making room for the new. New people, new energy, new relationship dynamics to watch develop. I am also starting a new seva (job) next week and I am looking forward to that. It will be hard to say goodbye to my old boss (he’s been a great boss) but it will be nice to be working as part of a volunteer team and have a more cohesive family group.
Another thing I realized is how right I am to trust my instincts when it comes to people. At the beginning of my time living in community I instinctively disliked and distrusted a person I had just met and later my feelings were justified. Now some might say that it was a self-fulfilling prophesy but in an earlier post I said would be mindful of the fact that I wanted for some reason to set this person up as “enemy” and that I was not going to fall into that pattern. In the end though people always show their true colors. This person never stopped talking about themselves in the best possible terms and denigrating others behind their back. I think I need to accept that I am going to always put up major defenses when it comes to female narcissists.
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