I haven't posted in a while, I have been keeping to myself more than usual lately mostly because of the fight with John, but Ihave been writing rants and deleting them when I am feeling less edgy and overwhelmed so some introspection is still going on. Today we (John and I) had a conscious communication about our fight. It went well in that I felt heard but it did not go well in that it seemed he deflected everything onto me without owning anything himself. I was disappointed but feel that I can maintain some type of a friendship with him.
It is a challenge when you are friends with someone who had trouble respecting boundaries and can use the language of therapy to shore up their own defenses.
I tried to look at my part in things and Nate was right that I did not speak up about the remark that initially pushed my buttons. And that if I had (despite the presence of the two little girls) things may have gone differently. So I am grateful for the incident because it brought to light that I do need to come up with some new vocabulary for setting boundaries and telling people when their remarks are offensive.
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